Glos embroiled in disgraceful sex scandal

With the recent 'allegations' regarding various stars of yesteryear's sexual behaviour it seems fitting that Gloucestershire should suddenly be plunged into it's own sleazy story of sex-fuelled indiscipline.

King John put it on the record last week that Ian 'Shagger' Cockbain wasn't selected for last week's run-fest against Glamorgan due to a lack of 'red ball' form. This is pretty much as good as a written statement that Cockbain has been sleeping with King John's wife, and potential others. How do we know this? Well, just read behind the lines. Dropped for lack of 'red ball' form. Please. Since when has any Gloucestershire player ever been dropped on form. Hamish Marshall went 3 years without a hundred! How did Mark Hardinges play at all.* Lets not even get started on Carl Greenidge, it's just too painful. Form is a word that has never had to be taken into consideration at Nevil Road selection meetings. Whilst we always hear talk of how out of form England players 'look good in the nets', Gloucestershire can't even try to claim this. Players are described as having potential, or having looked good in 2006. Form is never considered. It's also better this way. If we only picked players on form we'd be fielding half a team by the end of the season.

*incidentally, Mark Hardinges scored 4 hundreds in 49 first class matches for Glos. Hamish O'Marshall has scored 3 hundreds in 63 matches since the end of 2008 for Glos. Alex Gidman has 3 hundreds in 50 matches since the end of 2009. Hardinges also took 95 wickets. Just saying.*

So there we have it. Shagger Cockbain can only be trusted for one day cricket. Presumably keeping his libido checked over the course of 4 days is just too difficult.

In fairness, Cockbain is averaging only 15 in the second XI this season. In fairness he has only played 2 and a half second XI games.

Make up your own minds.

Given the lack of young batting talent that seems to be coming through the ranks it would be a shame if Cockbain were forced to go elsewhere to get first class cricket next season. 

Shagger Cockbain left out of squad to face Glamorgan

Clearly Ian Cockbain must be shagging King John's wife, as frankly this can be the only explanation for him failing to make the 12 man squad for tomorrows county championship match against Glamorgan.

Gloucestershire have named only 6 batsmen, one of which is wicketkeeper Gareth Roderick who is playing only his third championship match and made a pair last time out.

The Jessop Tavern View had presumed that Cockbain would be a like-for-like replacement of Chris Dent who was injured in the YB40 victory against Yorkshire. Instead Glos elect to go into the game with 5 sprayers seamers, Fuller, Payne, Norwell, Miles and McCarter. Considering that Benny has taken 15 wickets at an average of 25, thus making him the team's second leading wicket taker, we are presuming that the groundsman at Bristol is stood out in the middle with a hosepipe as we speak.

Mysteriously, young Miles Hammond is also included in the squad. This contradicts King John's comments to the Bristol Evening Post that Hammond would only be available after the end of June because he was still in school. He had been available against Yorkshire because it is half term. Presumably the official website knows what it's talking about....!!

We should perhaps not leap to such a sordid conclusion that Cockbain can't keep it in his pants. Given that Glos have struggled to bowl teams out in the past two games perhaps a 7 man bowling attack is the way forward. Presuming that one of the seamers will miss out, Glos will still go into the match with 6 bowlers. Considering that Glamorgan's strength this year has probably been in the bowling of wily Australian Michael Hogan who has 27 wickets, second only to Gloucstershire destroyer Alan Richardson, this is probably even more of a surprise. Glamorgan do boast batsmen of the calibre of Marcus North and Murray Goodwin, but neither of these have hit the ball off the square yet this season. Only Jim Allenby has made an impression with the bat for a Glamorgan side who sit one place and nine points behind Gloucestershire.

Anyway, we're off to tell Ian Cockbain he needs to learn to bowl a bit of seam up and go at 5 an over, then he'll walk into the team.